Missing You

Provo, Utah. Mormons, cold weather, mountains, and too much traffic. That pretty much sums it up, besides saying that it is a much different place than Laie, Hawaii. I have been home for nearly a week now and it seems as though I have been trapped in my own strang

e version of time. The time has gone so quickly and yet inched along at an incredibly slow pace in the very same moment. There is so much that I miss about the sunny island of Oahu, but surprisingly enough, the thing that I have missed the most (besides my girlies) is no longer there. I’m making a list of things that I want to do while I am here, applying for jobs and looking at cars and insurance and anything to keep me busy, because I know that the moment that I stop will be the same moment that I wont be able to start again. Like tonight, when I was left alone to think for just a little too long and I found myself gushing all over my unsuspecting uncle. I think I simply need to stop watching “Dear John” movies. They do terrible things to you.

Tonight, after not receiving any kind of response from a certain someone, I found that I care too much to be any kind of healthy. So although I may not have the chance to ever make anything of it, or even see this person again, I wrote a letter for them. And if I ever would send it ( which is not EVER happening), it would go something like this:

Dear D.

I have been home for a week and am missing you already. I never thought that I would care this much about anyone, but you have spun my world around. Before you, there have been some that have been good, but you are by far the best. You make me smile even when I don’t give the smile permission to be there, it spreads across my face all the same. It is stupid really, even to me it makes no sense that I feel this way. What have you done to me? I never gave you the key to my heart, but you took it all the same, and now you are a thousand

miles away and as far as I know I will never see you again. Facebook is fabulous, but at the same time, when I think about the unanswered message that lies on your wall I want to cancel my account. I’m not the kind of girl that chases people around (in fact, I’m the opposite) , but after some prompting from my friend I sent you a text. It has been a day with still no reply on either account. Even as I write this, knowing that you will never see it, I wonder how many other letters like this have been sent to you. You are too wonderful. I know that. Your smile lights my world. But at the same time I have to wonder if that night we spent out at the baseball field gazing at the stars meant so little to you. I thought that I knew better, that I could spot all the signs of the stereotypical player. I didn’t see any of those in you. I supposed that you were better than that, that you would never in a million years be the kind of person that would put someone through that. But now I’m doubting everything, when I was once so sure of myself. Five months. That’s how long it is until I get to h

old you in my arms again. I wish it was less, although I now fear that it might be forever. You were too good to be true, at the time I thought that you respected me, and knew that it would be too difficult for both of us (because of the time that we had to spend apart) to kiss me that night, it signaled to me the type of person that you really were, although that I longed for that kiss more than anything, now I’m glad that you didn’t do it. I think that it is better that way. I’m feeling so many things that I no longer know what to write. I want to slap you and say those three words that haunt my dreams, all at the same time. When really the only thing that I want to do is hold you close to me.

Wishing you were here

Alli